now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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