so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
