Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
