i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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