I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Randomize
