last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
