yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
