I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
