Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
handjob tips. give me some.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
