drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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