This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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