worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
