How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
