There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
