booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
