I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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