YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
