Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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