Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
