This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
