My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
