This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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