that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
