totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
