You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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