I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
