He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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