PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
