i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
