If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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