I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
