Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
