dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Your cock deserves a montage
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I deserve this hangover.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
