I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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