Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
