I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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