Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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