Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
