is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
