dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
