this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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