its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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