my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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