its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
