Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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