my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
