We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
