I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
