Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
