Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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