Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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