it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Cover your peen. We're going out.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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