The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
