dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
