dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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