i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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