dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
