Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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