You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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