i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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