he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
