Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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