Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
