i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
