Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
