Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
