i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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