i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
