That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
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Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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