you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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