Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
