The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
