I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
