i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
and she was petting her beer can
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
