Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
