So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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