There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
