did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
