Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
